i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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