How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Dicks are not precious.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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