I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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