y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
