she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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