I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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