im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
