Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
