i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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