yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
