I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
