How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
