My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
