you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
