my mouth tastes like poor choices
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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