we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
