This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
