so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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