i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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