its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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