oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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