This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize