Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
