They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
