Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
