so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
