Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
What a dumb baby whore.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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