shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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