You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
