Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
can u get pink eye on your cock?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
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