You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
