spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.