Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
