Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good