I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
