It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
