Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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