UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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