i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
