oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
