$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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