He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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