Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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