ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
