dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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