The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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