You're a womanizer and a bitch.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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