literally had 100 drinks last night.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
