I only kidnapped one of them. chill
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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