Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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