What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I party with great urgency now.
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