ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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