You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
