i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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