i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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