Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
