we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
