I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
