He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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