I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
