So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
