My brain says no but my pants say off.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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