What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
