How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
