It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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