he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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