I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
