took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
