Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
